It’s so over for you. In fact you never really had it in the first place, did you? No dating life, no sex life, no nothing except the privilege to goon online to a woman who would never even speak to you if she met you in real life. If it feels transactional it’s because you need it that way. You need to feel used and thrown away, and how are you supposed to explain that to anybody besides those who already get it? This paradoxical relationship is the only thing keeping you going, the only thing that gives you meaning, the only thing you can you’ve heavily and readily invested in for years.