Seasoned Salt: A Rant PSA* Ok, so if you've been following my page for any amount of time, you probably won't be surprised to learn: π₯ I am a BIG fan of clear boundaries and consent! π₯ Obviously, the bigger my following gets, the more pushy fans I encounter. And lemme tell ya, those are the people who make it really easy to be clear and direct about what my boundaries are, and what I'm not willing to tolerate. And I will not hesitate to block them either (even if they've spent money on my page) if they keep pushing. If we've discussed a thing, as a fan they get one reminder. Do it again and I'm done interacting with them. (Call me a sucker, but I do believe in second chances. After that it's just a pattern...) But there's a gray area here on OnlyFans... Creators. What to do when a fellow creator causes unease? And I don't mean one of those sends-unsolicited-dick-pics kinda "creators". No, I mean someone who has a legitimate following and who also has some sort of halfway decent notoriety in my creator social circle who I would feel awkward about simply blocking. I think public shaming is gross, so I'm not going to give any identifying tidbits, but I am going to use this as a bit of a soapbox. I think a lot of us creators, especially on the female-presenting side, have had experience with boundary and consent violations. I've personally had a lot, mostly by family members who would first take some sort of personal offense to my discomfort, then diminish it by telling me I'm just too sensitive; from repeatedly being tickled relentlessly despite my cries to stop before wetting myself, to molestation, to date r@pe. FUN FACT: CONSENT IS IMPORTANT IN SO MANY MORE WAYS THAN JUST SEX. So as someone with a history of not having my boundaries respected, if it's a person that I'm expected to interact and get along with, I tend to take a more polite, somewhat passive approach. I avoid. I won't engage, or will actively disengage. Which I feel like, given my personality, is rather telling. (I'm normally very verbose π so if you suddenly start getting clipped and curt single-word responses, maybe take a fucking hint.) But then I remind myself that I, as a cat, am an extremely perceptive individual and I pick up on those little cues much easier than most people, (if they even catch them at all.) I hate saying that I am into BDSM, because for a LOT of people that equates to meaning I want to be bound and flogged while you tell me I'm a dirty worthless slut. And not a single one of those things is true for me. I have not one ounce of judgement for the people who do want those things, btw, it's just not for me. So instead, I say I'm kinky. So for the purpose of this rant -- I mean, PSA! -- I'm going to broaden the term: In the kink world, yes, consent is important. Boundaries are important. But you know what else is important?? BEING FUCKING OBSERVANT AND PERCEPTIVE TO NONVERBAL CUES. And if I'm being completely honest, I personally find it a bit disconcerting that you are practicing such a skilled kink without being better at the communication aspect of it. I have a VERY mild interest in this particular kink, at best. Which I've stated. Stop taking every opportunity to turn EVERY conversation to your kink and how much I would love it and how you'd do whatever thing with Lefty's help. No. No no no. First of all, even if it were within my boundaries, you're not paying to have that kind of conversation and you really should be. Secondly, when you constantly redirect the conversation back to that, you come off as obsessive.... which ultimately reads as creepy. And finally, my partner understands consent and boundaries VERY intimately in regards to kink, and would partake in no such thing. He doesn't even have to be as perceptive as he is, because he doesn't ever just automatically assume I want a thing. Because he understands: COMMUNICATION AND CONSENT ARE IMPORTANT. ((Sorry if this is rough or disjointed, but it's a first draft that I'm not particularly worried about offending people with, so not worth my energy to tweak multiple times for something more polished. π€·ββοΈ)) Read more
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